Today I actually realized how strong I am and how I will always have to be. Family is always the #1 thing on my mind and lately my mom’s health has been declining. I can physically see the wear and tear her body as endured over many years and just seeing her almost wither away. She needs surgery very badly for her knee, but unfortunately she is having such a hard time with her getting approved. She has done everything to have the surgery approved, but well we all know how the system works. She needs much more assistance walking, and the things that use to be so simple for her are now just becoming harder and harder and I can tell she is just so fusterated with herself and the system.
Now usually she is the one who keeps me grounded if I have any problems or just need to clear my mind. However it was the total opposite today, I found her visibly upset, extremely fusterated and angry with the world. Now my mother rarely shows any signs of being upset but for the first time I saw her break into tears. Upset that once again the system has denied her, her hopes broken, her spirits broken, she was at the point of giving up. However I played a reverse role today and consoled and comforted my mom, reassuring her that we would find another way. I know in reality what is being upset going to achieve, and thats NOTHING at all. It just stirs up your nerves and eats away at you.
It hurts me so much that I cannot do anything more for her, seeing her visibly upset and heart broken. But I have to stay positive and think there is another way and I will be strong for her and find a solution. Whether I end up paying for this procedure for the rest of my life… I don’t care, you only ever have one mom. I say give it all I have and never give up.
Because I realised something, being upset and dwelling does nothing but insue darkness and resentment in oneself. However being strong for those who cannot be keeps the hope alive.